I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
