And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
