please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
