I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
