Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Mom said you looked used
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
