I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
