He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
