I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
