I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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