to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
