I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
