I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
