Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
