??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
