I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
