how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
