He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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