just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
