I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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