there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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