it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
