I am in a vortex of obligation.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
