I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
