Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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