if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
