im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
