You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
