My friends, they love my intelligence
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
