dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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