do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.