Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
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I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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