ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
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dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
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Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.