I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.