do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
