So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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