I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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