after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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