i just wanna soil my oats bro
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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