no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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