We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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