as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize