Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize