Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
