So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize