when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
