I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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