I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
