thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I fill condoms, not promises.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
