just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!