I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
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I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
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Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.