counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?