i jhust puked up my retainher.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
theres a video...