Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
