Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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