this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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