Girls should come with a carfax report
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
