:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
