I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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