He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
