i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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