he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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