Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
