I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
