I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
