I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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