Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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