she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
