Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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