Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
