The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
