just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
