Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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