i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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