i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
