Will you blow on my dice?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
